Cracking Soul
by RiddleMeThis17
Summary: The seven times Harry's soul cracked. OotP to DH. Not necessarily canon. One-shot. T for paranoia.


It had hurt. So much. Dumbledore ignored him completely. He tried. He lied to himself, saying Dumbledore was busy.

He knew now, he knew that Dumbledore distanced himself so Voldemort wouldn't use the link to his advantage.

It hurt. He felt like Voldemort was separating him from everyone. He should die. If he died no one else would be hurt.

Voldemort would win, though.

Why would he fight for them? To be Dumbledore's weapon, pawn, soldier?

Dumbledore didn't trust him, that was evident.

One crack.

Harry dreamt about his parents deaths often. The first time it happened, he almost wanted to stay dreaming. Yes, it was his parents dying, but it was the only time they spoke, other than their shadows in the graveyard. He heard his mother screaming, over and over and over.

The next day he crept down into the Chamber of Secrets, and fingered a Basilisk fang.

Die. And see your parents again.

He dreamt again that night. Red eyes. Hazel eyes. Green eyes.

Red eyes widening in shock.

Hazel eyes closing in surrender.

Green eyes crying in sorrow.

Light. Green light. Avada Kedavra.

Why? Why?

The scene changed.

Kill the spare.

Cedric, dead on the ground near the cauldron. Brown eyes open in shock.

Dead.

Sirius. The veil. Dead.

Green light. Laughter.

Voldemort.

Laughing.

Why?

You will lose everything.

He would.

Die. Die. Die.

Two cracks.

He'd lost again.

_I'm sorry Harry, Ron and I have prefect duties. _

_Sorry, Ron and I had a meeting. _

_We were patrolling the train. _

_We wanted a moment alone. _

_Ron's meeting my parents. _

_Ron's just been cursed, I need to talk to him. He's asked for me. _

_Ron and I have to patrol the halls tonight. _

_Please understand, Ron and I... _

The list went on. Apologies. Excuses.

When was the last Harry had a moment with Hermione? To talk to her about things he couldn't talk to Ron about? Why couldn't he talk to her about Ginny?

Was he now second to Ron? Was he better than him?

Why?

Loneliness. He missed his friends.

Three cracks.

Harry closed his eyes, and breathed in, his breaths almost inaudible over Ginny and the unknown student's whispers. He hadn't intended of walking into the empty classroom, he just finished Astronomy, and wanted a minute alone after seeing Sirius, the Dog star.

Now he didn't know if he wanted to Obliviate the memory from his mind or be glad he found out.

"You know, most people would be considerate enough to tell their boyfriends they were cheating on them." He suppressed a laugh at his girlfriend's shock. Her eyes widened, her neck showing several love bites, her lips partially swollen. He'd trusted her, see where it got him.

"Harry," she started, pushing away from the other student. "That- It's not what it looks like!" She insisted, pulling her half torn robe back over he neck in vain attempt of hiding the hickeys. Harry scoffed, looking and sounding much more confident than he felt.

"What should it look like then? 'I'm sorry, I passed by this lonely Hufflepuff and thought he needed some cheering up'?"

Ginny turned red. "He's a Ravenclaw! And that's not what happened!"

He shrugged. "Whatever, forget it." He turned to leave.

"Harry! I'm sorry! It was an accident! I swear, that was the only time! It'll never happen again!" Her voice faded away as he left the corridor, his heart broken.

Four cracks.

He knew it was his fault. He didn't learn Occlumency, he didn't notice it was a fake, he call Sirius by the mirror, he didn't push Sirius out of the way, he caused his death.

He knew Professor Lupin blamed him, he saw in his eyes.

He blamed him.

"I know you blame me." He whispered one night at the Burrow. Lupin didn't nod or deny it.

He didn't say anything, but it was enough.

Five cracks.

Hermione was crying again, the bequeathed book of fairy tales falling to the floor with a thump. Her sobs echoed around the tent.

Harry wanted to punch something.

Why would Ron leave? Was their friendship that frail? That fragile?

He was glad Hermione had stayed.

You have no family.

Your parents are dead.

He was wanted. He was a dead man running.

If Ron left, if Hermione gave up, why was he still fighting?

Six cracks.

Hogwarts was always Harry's home.

Hogwarts protected him, saved him from the Dursleys, kept him with his friends.

Hogwarts hurt him too. Quirrel, the Basilisk, Dementors, Tournament, Umbridge, Horcruxes... Death Eaters.

Hogwarts went from a safe and happy refuge to a place where he was loathed and loved at the drop of a hat.

Seven cracks. It was done.

No one knew what happened.

Harry Potter had just defeated Voldemort, when suddenly he collapsed to the ground, glowing.

Then everything went white.

When the light died down, Harry Potter was dead.


End file.
